“…a lot has changed around you, yet you somehow still the same person I can recognize on the mirror..”

Blogmas Day 14

Dear Old Self

Happy Birthday!

Allow me to be the first person to wish you the very best of Birthdays life has to offer. You have come a long way yet it seems just the beginning  of a very delicate part of life. I am so so so very proud of the woman – Yup, you are a woman now young lady Ha, an oxymoron but you will get a lot of this so brace yourself. Where was I? or  yeah a woman you have turned out to be, 2018 has been one hell of a ride but its been a step up from 2017, because we all know 2017 was the battle against the devil himself. You have grown a lot since the last time we had  this heart to heart, I mean you now rock white nails on full length and big ass curly hair with no care in the world, – but we will get there.

Dear Old Self you stopped crushing on your big brother’s couch.

This is about to get really real and raw. Remember when you moved from home, changed cities and decided to embark on a whole new adventure and finding yourself? Well that brought you on your brother’s couch and sometimes carpet but you still were happy. You kept your passion high and your candle burning and few months later, 5 to be exact you moved to your own place and you still slept on the floor with your mattress a few weeks but don’t worry, your luck is about to change.

You got a bed, a big ass $400 dollars bed and some bomb ass imported mattress and now you sleep like royal. However hiccups came your way, your stupid house lost electricity and water and for a while there you were living like an actual rat, but this little not so little bumps were your stepping ground toworads something much much bigger, stick around because am still shocked writing this to you.

Dear Old Self you got a Job, Got Promoted, Got Promoted and then Got Promoted and Promoted one more time.

Yes, all those promotions landed on your laps, in December 5th which you were a part of this memory, you officially became an adult tax payer. A month down the lane you got your first promotion, from an Admin person to the acting HR Manager, 3 months later you went in as a co Business Support  and 3 months later, you went int Business Operations Coordinator and a month later, you managed a whole Sales Account. I know you are shocked, honestly so am I, and I have been living in it. If you would have told me all this was going to happen in one year I wouldn’t believe it but I am telling you, all the early morning speed bus rides were worth every sweat and penny.

Also, you now do a lot of accounting than you actually bargained for and the funny part is that you are actually good at it. I don’t know how you found your ground in this because we all know the few accounting classes you majored in through Bachelor’s and Master’s had shit to do with it. You are now wiping excel sheets like they are your babies and to that let me just say, we are both still surprised. I guess its true what they say, “fake it till you make it.” Ha?

Dear Old Self you got an actual Apartment.

Remember the whole conversation where you lived like a rat for a second there? well your luck is about to change, change a whole 180 degrees. You got a 3 bedroom  apartment that actually fit into your budget. Yes, let that sink in because am still struggling to wrap my head around it. So gone are the days where you stick around in a dark bedroom counting hours till sunrise, now  you pay your own electric and water bills and even though its chipping into your cash, it’s so satisfying.

Dear Old Self you discovered DIY & Interior Decorating.

Brace yourself for this, yup, that happened. Getting a bigger house meant you needed to find means to design and  decorate within your budget, because BITCH I say this with love, “you have an insane taste for expensive things.” So you tapped into interior decor the only way you know how, DIY Style and girl let me just say, kudos to you because am loving how creative that mind of  yours is, and how you hands are able to LITERALLY create magic with everything you touch. It’s just the beginning but you are doing so great sweetie! Kymmiee is loving and cheering you along the progress..

Dear Old Self you Stopped being Creative.

I won’t even make you feel bad about this, because I have been there with you along the whole journey and I have one word for you, “I totally understand you baby girl.” Along all the corners and crevices that life was dragging you along, you decided to call quits and packed yourself off the creative side without warning or explanation. It took you 90 days to try to find your feet and that didn’t seem to do the work because you did collapse and burn big time on the first attempt and took you extra 120 days to be at pa with yourself. You got to a point where your brain was not able to communicate back ideas to you and it really tore you apart and am so sorry you had to go through it. But here is a good ending, you survived.

Dear Old Self you found your AUTHENTIC self.

The break you took from social media and content creation was one of the best things you ever did to yourself. You have found peace with yourself and stopped beating your head against the wall on stuffs that you can’t control. On your own pace you have actually discovered the true meaning of,  “sometimes your best is good enough.” The good ending from your social media break was being able to discover who you are and allowing people to actually see the real you and being authentic along it all. You fought fiercely and won against the battle of being boxed against the social media standard and I urge you to keep doing that. You create content that you love and enjoy and are not bothered about Likes and numbers. Yes, you did that. Congratulations boo boo.

Along the way, with many extra attempts, Trevor finally reached you and was able to reach you and pull you back into content creation. Yes you are now doing fine and creating magic contents. You even woke up at 0600 hrs most weekends to create content and Lesley has never complained and cheered you along the way.

Dear Old Self you GAINED WEIGHT!

Yup that happened and you hated and resented yourself. You ate all your stress and feelings out and each feeling brought you a step closer to your weight gain. You allowed your emotions and lazy lifestyle to consume a whole extra 10Kgs. Yes, you looked like a potato and I have pictures to prove it. You know the saying, “a sight for sore eyes” well you my darling were the sore eyes. You tried and failed to lose weight because you weren’t consistent on the efforts. All your big jeans from the donation pile became your daily skinny on the regular, and even then it was a hustle to fit into them. Yeah, the chips mayai cravings finally caught up to you and well weight gain happened.

Dear Old Self you will discover Running

If you had told me a year a go that I will get back to running. I would have laughed my pants off. However, reading it now in plain block words it’s almost believable. The girl you once knew is almost unrecognizable in the mirror and in person. I know you must be thinking its 3km run or 5 we tried and quit back in 2017. I hate to be the barrier of bad news except for this case. You are now doing 11kms on average and just last week I  did a 15.5km. Running has become part of my life and I do 35kms give or take on the weekly. You get sore but you still do it over and over and I am shocked at your consistency rate.

Dear Old Self you will develop Introverted Syndromes

You will  go through a point in life where you will really enjoy your personal space and staying in doors. AT some point you also hated human interactions Ha! I think you are undergoing introvert syndrome or you are growing old between me and you, you went a little psycho Ha! At this point it is hard to pinpoint where the actual issue is, but as long as you are happy I am happy.

Dear Old Self you Lost weight.

You really made a  turn around in your lifestyle and I couldn’t be any prouder. Cut down junk to the best rate. Ate and drink lots  of greens and water. You became conscious of your food and calorie intake. You went as far as trying out Apple cider vinegar and that shit is not even delicious. Inter mitten fasting became part and parcel of our life, but that’s expected because we are too lazy to cook. All this new changes in our life and the miles on the road made a substantial impact in our life. We lost 10kgs from a whole 63kgs to 53kg. Some days you weigh 52kg and now its a point where everyone can tell you lost weight. You have become your own body goals.

Dear Old Self  you will actually enjoy staying single.

Your last relationship was with you know who… By this time you would have already understood that heart breaks are not forever. Funny they also won’t kill you but make you stronger. You get heart and with time you heel. You learn to move on, in the moving on part you will discover that you are one independent bad ass human and staying single did not suck as you expected and you have actually found it to be an interesting journey, no you haven’t  been a couch potato, you went on dates and met interesting humans but you are just not there yet. Yes it gets lonely sometimes but who doesn’t really?

Dear Old Self I am extremely proud.

That’s it, as you are about to embark a whole new chapter in your life. I would really want to tell you I love you with all my heart and soul. I am extremely proud of the lady that you are growing to be each day. Am amazed at your strength and I still envy your passion, drive and determination. We both know you were destined for the starts, so don’t quite on me baby girl. The view is beautiful at the top and you are just getting started.

Dear Old Self you are Diamond, don’t let them treat you different.

Always remember to hold your views and opinions dear to your heart. Keep learning to listen than speaking, I know its hard but baby steps doll. Remember self love is important. You are beautiful and fearless. You still have to water the plants so that we can check their progress. 2019 is going to be your year and you are going to crush it. Also learn to save and be strict with your financials but that’s a whole conversation on its own.

I love loving you,

yours forever and always,

Kymmiee.